Waiting

And we wait another week. The amnio showed that the protein level was not high enough to induce yet. This is particularly bothersome b/c the peri so does not like the look of things that he lowered the bar on his protein level requirement from 55 to 50. It was 42.9. Our new plan is to induce on Thurs Oct 22. No more testing. No questions asked. It's a go.

She only gained 2 oz in a week (babies at this point should be gaining 8 oz per week). That was with the 2nd measurement done by the peri himself. The first measurement done by the sono tech showed that she actually lost weight. She's now fallen lower than the 9th percentile of last week. He wouldn't even give us a number. He just said, "It's less than 10%." The 10th percentile mark is where a small baby goes from Small for Gestational Age to Intrauterine Growth Restriction. Above 10th is SGA; below is IUGR.

It's so scary and frustrating to go from, "we need to get her out right away." to "we're going to wait a week."

They didn't put me on bedrest, but my husband has. He's so sweet and cute. He's been reading up and decided that I should try bedrest b/c it is something that we can do. I plan to spend the week internet shopping and scrapbooking. There will probably be prayer without ceasing going on along with all of that.

....and then there was drama.

I didn't post about that I've had uncontrolled asthma symptoms. We've finally got it under control now, but I got bronchitis (which I'm highly prone to get) and suffered terribly from severe asthma symptoms for the last 9 or so weeks. Because the asthma was so poorly controlled, I checked out what A*COG recommends for asthma in pregnancy. They recommended regular u/s monitoring starting at 32 weeks. I asked for an u/s and it was scheduled for 3 weeks ago today in the afternoon. However, I woke up that morning realizing that the baby wasn't moving and had moved very, very little for about 36 hours. I went right in after the office opened and got the u/s; which didn't look so good and then immediately following that a non-stress test. They didn't like the looks of any of it so they sent me to the hospital for monitoring and had my peri's sono techs meet me there.

As it turns out, she was measuring 15 days behind. Since then, I've been having 2ce weekly monitoring. Actually, sometimes more because when I freak out if she's not moving I go in for an extra one. I've also had a couple of ER visits for breathing treatments in the last 4 weeks. One of which included an NST.

We went on Friday to the peri for a follow up u/s. Again, not so good. She's fallen even more behind and is now more than 3 weeks behind. Weighing in at 4 lbs 8 oz at 35 wks 4 days.

The plan is that we go tomorrow pm for an amnio to measure the protein level which indicates lung maturity. If her lungs are mature tomorrow, we will induce on Friday. Yes! The day after tomorrow!!!

I'm really hoping we go ahead and induce. The stress is killing me. Also, she's dropped and I'm very uncomfortable. I'm having so much trouble walking and getting up from a seated position is just a very painful experience.

Please send prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, or whatever you believe in. I suppose my next post will be a birth announcement.

Sheesh! How long has it been?

It's been forever since I've posted. I just don't have any drama. Everything is going fine and that just doesn't make for a very interesting post.

Just 9 weeks to go. We're finally working on the baby's room. We've ordered all of the furniture and I have 2 showers coming up at the end of the month.

So pleased that I haven't gained a ton of weight. I'm staying a pound or two under the minimum recommended weight gain. It's, thankfully, all out front. I never expected to be one of those pg women. I thought I would S-P-R-E-A-D out!

She's still an active little girl. We can't wait to meet her!

ONE out of three IS bad

Well, the 2ww is over for my friends. My IRL friend got a BFN as did musicmakermomma. I hate to say I'm so sorry because I can remember hating the "I'm so sorry's." So let's say "that sucks" and maybe hit something. I remember how painful that was when it happened to me. I hope that if you ladies decide to cycle again you'll have success in the future.... and if you don't that you'll have complete peace in your decision.

We can celebrate with TheElderlyOvary. She's preggers and waiting for her first u/s. Her high betas may indicate more than one bun in the oven so I can't wait to hear the u/s results.

Stop by and see my friends and drop them a little note of support.

Not much to report for little ole me. I'm GROW -ING! I just noticed today for the first time that my belly is getting that tight, stretched look to it. I had to buy new, bigger clothes because the ones I bought late first trimester are on the verge of being very uncomfortable. I'm so thrilled to feel the baby move every day. At night, when I get in bed she gets active and I usually start crying from the joy of it.

I am stunned every day that this is happening to me. I was getting so close to really, really believing that it never would.

What did I just say!

I called my MIL back this morning. She has a gift for the baby. She got one just like it for my SIL's baby. MATCHING OUTFITS!

I'm going to teach my girl to fight like hell for her autonomy!!!!

Here we go again. Once an IF, always an IF.

I found out today that my SIL is having a girl. If you're new to the blog, she's due just 3 weeks after me and she got pg the first month that she went off birth control after just 10 months of marriage. ACK!

So here I am raw, ugly, and with all of the fresh anger of an infertile. I feel as if someone has pulled the band-aid off of a sore the size of my entire being. My soul is shrinking into a ball and trying to hide and my actual physical self is sitting in a dark room and literally hiding from the world. I'm not answering the phone and flinch every time it rings. My MIL has already called. I cringe to think what celebratory conversation she wants to have with me. I have horrified visions of her going out and buying matching outfits for our babies.

I lick my ever present wounds of the infertile and hope that the grace to celebrate her baby comes sooner rather than later. All the while, what I fantasize about is running away with my family. Far, far away so that I can avoid this baby that to me is an infringement on the joy of my own painfully won pregnancy.

Just a little 2ww with my friends

This morning a very good friend IRL transferred 2 grade A day 3 embryos. I am seriously more excited than I was with my last transfer. This is her first IVF cycle. She's be TTC for exactly 2 years and she's 40 yo. She was given a terrible diagnosis regarding her ovaries, but lo and behold she eeked out 7 eggs and 6 of them fertilized. We must always remember to go with our gut because doctors can give us an educated opinion, but they really don't know what's going to happen. Her dr had already been talking to her about DE before she even tried any sort of medicated cycle!

My other friends in the 2ww are in the blogosphere. Lorraine over at TheElderlyOvary transferred some beautiful blasts over the weekend and musicmakermomma is about halfway through her 2ww on a donor egg cycle. Visit them and wish them luck!

And here in my house everything is going along swimmingly. I feel my little girl squirming around every day. We're to the point that if I get down on the floor and lay on my back Daddy can even feel his little girl kicking.

Week 22 and all is well.

Thanks e/o for your kind posts. All you ICLW posters, thanks for stopping by.