Thursday, July 23, 2009

ONE out of three IS bad

Well, the 2ww is over for my friends. My IRL friend got a BFN as did musicmakermomma. I hate to say I'm so sorry because I can remember hating the "I'm so sorry's." So let's say "that sucks" and maybe hit something. I remember how painful that was when it happened to me. I hope that if you ladies decide to cycle again you'll have success in the future.... and if you don't that you'll have complete peace in your decision.

We can celebrate with TheElderlyOvary. She's preggers and waiting for her first u/s. Her high betas may indicate more than one bun in the oven so I can't wait to hear the u/s results.

Stop by and see my friends and drop them a little note of support.

Not much to report for little ole me. I'm GROW -ING! I just noticed today for the first time that my belly is getting that tight, stretched look to it. I had to buy new, bigger clothes because the ones I bought late first trimester are on the verge of being very uncomfortable. I'm so thrilled to feel the baby move every day. At night, when I get in bed she gets active and I usually start crying from the joy of it.

I am stunned every day that this is happening to me. I was getting so close to really, really believing that it never would.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

What did I just say!

I called my MIL back this morning. She has a gift for the baby. She got one just like it for my SIL's baby. MATCHING OUTFITS!

I'm going to teach my girl to fight like hell for her autonomy!!!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Here we go again. Once an IF, always an IF.

I found out today that my SIL is having a girl. If you're new to the blog, she's due just 3 weeks after me and she got pg the first month that she went off birth control after just 10 months of marriage. ACK!

So here I am raw, ugly, and with all of the fresh anger of an infertile. I feel as if someone has pulled the band-aid off of a sore the size of my entire being. My soul is shrinking into a ball and trying to hide and my actual physical self is sitting in a dark room and literally hiding from the world. I'm not answering the phone and flinch every time it rings. My MIL has already called. I cringe to think what celebratory conversation she wants to have with me. I have horrified visions of her going out and buying matching outfits for our babies.

I lick my ever present wounds of the infertile and hope that the grace to celebrate her baby comes sooner rather than later. All the while, what I fantasize about is running away with my family. Far, far away so that I can avoid this baby that to me is an infringement on the joy of my own painfully won pregnancy.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Just a little 2ww with my friends

This morning a very good friend IRL transferred 2 grade A day 3 embryos. I am seriously more excited than I was with my last transfer. This is her first IVF cycle. She's be TTC for exactly 2 years and she's 40 yo. She was given a terrible diagnosis regarding her ovaries, but lo and behold she eeked out 7 eggs and 6 of them fertilized. We must always remember to go with our gut because doctors can give us an educated opinion, but they really don't know what's going to happen. Her dr had already been talking to her about DE before she even tried any sort of medicated cycle!

My other friends in the 2ww are in the blogosphere. Lorraine over at TheElderlyOvary transferred some beautiful blasts over the weekend and musicmakermomma is about halfway through her 2ww on a donor egg cycle. Visit them and wish them luck!

And here in my house everything is going along swimmingly. I feel my little girl squirming around every day. We're to the point that if I get down on the floor and lay on my back Daddy can even feel his little girl kicking.

Week 22 and all is well.

Thanks e/o for your kind posts. All you ICLW posters, thanks for stopping by.