Sunday, August 14, 2011


My beta was 10. I've begun bleeding. This totally sucks. I thought I was ready to move forward no matter what, but now I just keep thinking how much I'd really like to have another baby and a sibling for Peanut. I don't know where we go from here. I thought I wouldn't even go to my post-cycle consult, but now I think I will. Perhaps it will help me gain perspective.

DE is absolutely not an option for us. Just putting that out there so that I don't get that recommendation.


  1. I'm so sorry! The chemical just sucks for making you hope and think and realize and then you're left with all these unresolved maybes.

    I totally get the DE thing. We just couldn't consider it either. I mean, we considered it, but there were too many issues about sibling comparisons and the fact that I resented my husband for not agreeing to pursue IVF sooner. I felt that he had significantly contributed to the fact that it was considered "too late" for me, so I couldn't ever be sure that having his sperm and some other egg wouldn't always be a source of disappointment for me. The idea that I might not be able to let go of that and it would somehow transfer to the child was just too upsetting.

    In the end, I think we both realized that the whole thing would be an obstacle in our marriage, so we went to a super-high success rate clinic and got into the three-try program. It made a difference to me, knowing that I wouldn't have to argue for another IVF if the first didn't work. And my husband felt like he was giving it a fair chance and it couldn't be held against him if it didn't work.

    Yeah, I know our chances would have been technically better with DE, but our marriage was already so stressed by infertility that we just couldn't make it an option. If we hadn't had a child already, I think we might have pursued DE with or without DS. It's such a great option to even be available that I always felt kind of defensive in not wanting to pursue it. FOr us, it absolutely wasn't about thinking our genetics were so fabulous that we had to have that or nothing.

    Anyway, I just hope you figure out what you want and how to get it - it seems like that blip of chemical pregnancy is a good litmus test for what's in your heart.

  2. Lorraine, you're so awesome! Thank you for that!

  3. oh no, I'm so sorry. I know the pain, and I'm so sorry this has happened.

  4. Oh no, I am so sorry. Sending you hugs.