Aaaaand then she wasn't pregnant

Oh girls, I know! What a shocker! No surprise ending though. I went back to my RE on the 19th and the hCG had dropped to 15. I didn't really get upset over this miscarriage and I never did cry. What did upset me was the resurgence of all of those feelings from 4 to 5 years ago. It was that first year and a half of trying all over again. All those times that I thought that I was pregnant and later tried to convince myself that I wasn't. Now I know. I definitely had 3 five week miscarriages during that time. I may have had as many as 7. I spent a couple of days beating myself up over the memory of my first meeting with my IVF nurse back in '07. When she asked me how many pregnancies I'd had, I said zero. I was so unsure of myself back then and none of them had been confirmed by a dr. I would take the tests early and get a faint positive; then 2 to 4 days later I would start bleeding and convince myself that I'd just wanted to see the second line so much that I'd imagined it. Argh! If I had told her, we probably could have avoided IVF altogether and just done medicated natural cycles. Maybe not. Who knows?

What I do know is that my journey was perfect as it was because it resulted in bringing me my perfect little Peanut. So there's no use in second guessing.

The bright side is that it let me know how much I want another pregnancy and another baby. I really was dreading cycling again. As you know, we have 6 frozen embryos and plan for another FET. We were actually trying to get ourselves prepared for it when this happened. I wasn't sure at all if I could handle a second baby. Now I know that I'll do what it takes. We're planning the FET for June. I'm going to call C*rnell to consult with my dr there prior to my consult with my local RE. We wanted to transfer the embryos, but we've learned that NY State doesn't allow that.

So there's a quick update. Things are good. I am happy.

Still pregnant?

I saw my RE on Monday. hCG = 41, Progesterone = 3. She put me on Pr*metrium just in case we can pull this out. I go back tomorrow for more bloodwork.

I've got to tell somebody

I am roughly 5 days late so I peed on a stick tonight. The window says: "YES"

Oh my!

Give

Just under 13 months ago our Peanut was born at 37 weeks 3 days and weighed just 4 lbs 8 oz. Thanks to the research of the March of Dimes she is healthy and thriving. Our NICU stay was short at just 8 days, but scary nonetheless.

Please support the March of Dimes by clicking the banner to the right and making a donation. Babies like mine are counting on you.

Dear Sunflowerchilde

The question is: Why do I feel that pumping is harder than breastfeeding?

It was all hard for me. I'd had a breast reduction surgery 10 years prior to giving birth, but I think that had very little to do with the problems I had. I had a small baby with a weak suckle and some other factors that probably contributed to a compromised supply. For one thing, even with a sister who'd exclusively nursed 4 babies and a ton of help from 3 different LC's I still didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have the right information at the right time. There were so many things that I needed to know earlier than I knew them for me to have been able to utilize the information. There's a window for establishing supply and I made some big mistakes during that critical window.

You're having a good pumping experience so I don't want to put negative thoughts out there. However, since you asked, here's why I thought it was hard.

• Breastfeeding almost never hurt me. Pumping did. I eventually had to get a larger flange, but before I figured that part out I got really sore.
• I pumped almost every time I nursed for 12 weeks. I don't suppose this was any harder than nursing twins, but it sure did seem hard to me. Even doing both, once my supply dropped, I was never able to get it back up.
• When I tried exclusive pumping, my supply dropped even more.
• It's just uncomfortable. Having to lean forward and worrying about leaking out under the flange on the furniture... It's so absolutely worth the discomfort though.
• I hated washing and sterilizing the pumping parts. I did get a great tip from an LC though. You can put the pump parts in a ziploc bag and store them in the refrigerator for 12 hours. This will get you through several pumping sessions without washing them. It makes a huge difference.
• You can't take the pump to bed and nurse while you nap. I always had enough milk first thing in the morning so that I didn't have to supplement so I'd put her in bed with me and rest more while she nursed. Again, unless one twin kept sleeping, this wouldn't work for you.

She did develop latch problems because she was on a bottle from day one. I was able to correct the latch problems with a lot of work and using a wide mouth bottle. Also, when she was about 2 months old it seems like she just figured out what worked and what didn't. Babies are amazingly adaptable and so much smarter than we usually give them credit for.

I hope that you have great success no matter what you do. Breast milk is an amazing and living substance and gives your babies something that can't be replicated. Every drop they get is a gift and you're wonderful for working so hard and caring so much that they get it.

What have I done?

I told my husband that I was blogging. I didn't tell him the name of the blog or anything that would lead him to find it. He still isn't going to be reading what I'm writing, but it has killed it for me. I no longer have a desire to put messages out there. This stinks. There was something about having a real secret that was so freeing for me and now that is broken.

In other news...Lorraine, I miss you so much! I hope you and your family are doing well.

Travel?

How do you travel with a baby? In the car is no big deal, but I'm starting to toy with the idea of traveling with Daddy. DH travels every week flying out on Sun and home on Thurs. Before Peanut, I traveled with him quite a bit. For the first year of our marriage, I went with him one week out of every month. We also used to add in some leisure trips each year. In some regards it's easy. Travel is cheap for us. With the miles and hotel points, we can travel for very little money. So we're able to do some things that we may not otherwise do. The best thing about the travel perks was when when we cycled out of state. So DH's travel schedule helped us get our little Peanut.

Anyway, I'd like to take Peanut and travel with Daddy and then incorporate a week of vacation, but I have no idea how to do it. Here are my questions.

Is is best to get her her own airline ticket or hold her? She's a really easy baby, but we'd be on about a 3.5 hour flight.
What do you do about a car seat? Do we take ours with us or do the car rental companies rent them? Will they have rear facing seats?
If we're taking a cab from the airport, I suppose our own car seat is necessary, but how on earth do you get a cabbie to wait while you intall the darn thing? I suppose it's just time on the meter.
What about a stroller? Can you rent strollers? Where?
I suppose staying in a suite-style hotel would be easiest b/c of the extra room and kitchenette. She's on cereal so I think the kitchenette would be a big help. Anyone have experience with this? Did your baby sleep well in the hotel crib? If she doesn't and we let her sleep with us, will she go back to her bed at home?
Would 2 weeks away from home be insane to even try? I've been thinking that just getting out there and doing it will be the hardest part.

I've probably forgotten lots of things that I should have asked. I'd love any advice you guys have to impart. Thanks!