Well, the 2ww is over for my friends. My IRL friend got a BFN as did musicmakermomma. I hate to say I'm so sorry because I can remember hating the "I'm so sorry's." So let's say "that sucks" and maybe hit something. I remember how painful that was when it happened to me. I hope that if you ladies decide to cycle again you'll have success in the future.... and if you don't that you'll have complete peace in your decision.
We can celebrate with TheElderlyOvary. She's preggers and waiting for her first u/s. Her high betas may indicate more than one bun in the oven so I can't wait to hear the u/s results.
Stop by and see my friends and drop them a little note of support.
Not much to report for little ole me. I'm GROW -ING! I just noticed today for the first time that my belly is getting that tight, stretched look to it. I had to buy new, bigger clothes because the ones I bought late first trimester are on the verge of being very uncomfortable. I'm so thrilled to feel the baby move every day. At night, when I get in bed she gets active and I usually start crying from the joy of it.
I am stunned every day that this is happening to me. I was getting so close to really, really believing that it never would.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
What did I just say!
I called my MIL back this morning. She has a gift for the baby. She got one just like it for my SIL's baby. MATCHING OUTFITS!
I'm going to teach my girl to fight like hell for her autonomy!!!!
I'm going to teach my girl to fight like hell for her autonomy!!!!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Here we go again. Once an IF, always an IF.
I found out today that my SIL is having a girl. If you're new to the blog, she's due just 3 weeks after me and she got pg the first month that she went off birth control after just 10 months of marriage. ACK!
So here I am raw, ugly, and with all of the fresh anger of an infertile. I feel as if someone has pulled the band-aid off of a sore the size of my entire being. My soul is shrinking into a ball and trying to hide and my actual physical self is sitting in a dark room and literally hiding from the world. I'm not answering the phone and flinch every time it rings. My MIL has already called. I cringe to think what celebratory conversation she wants to have with me. I have horrified visions of her going out and buying matching outfits for our babies.
I lick my ever present wounds of the infertile and hope that the grace to celebrate her baby comes sooner rather than later. All the while, what I fantasize about is running away with my family. Far, far away so that I can avoid this baby that to me is an infringement on the joy of my own painfully won pregnancy.
So here I am raw, ugly, and with all of the fresh anger of an infertile. I feel as if someone has pulled the band-aid off of a sore the size of my entire being. My soul is shrinking into a ball and trying to hide and my actual physical self is sitting in a dark room and literally hiding from the world. I'm not answering the phone and flinch every time it rings. My MIL has already called. I cringe to think what celebratory conversation she wants to have with me. I have horrified visions of her going out and buying matching outfits for our babies.
I lick my ever present wounds of the infertile and hope that the grace to celebrate her baby comes sooner rather than later. All the while, what I fantasize about is running away with my family. Far, far away so that I can avoid this baby that to me is an infringement on the joy of my own painfully won pregnancy.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Just a little 2ww with my friends
This morning a very good friend IRL transferred 2 grade A day 3 embryos. I am seriously more excited than I was with my last transfer. This is her first IVF cycle. She's be TTC for exactly 2 years and she's 40 yo. She was given a terrible diagnosis regarding her ovaries, but lo and behold she eeked out 7 eggs and 6 of them fertilized. We must always remember to go with our gut because doctors can give us an educated opinion, but they really don't know what's going to happen. Her dr had already been talking to her about DE before she even tried any sort of medicated cycle!
My other friends in the 2ww are in the blogosphere. Lorraine over at TheElderlyOvary transferred some beautiful blasts over the weekend and musicmakermomma is about halfway through her 2ww on a donor egg cycle. Visit them and wish them luck!
And here in my house everything is going along swimmingly. I feel my little girl squirming around every day. We're to the point that if I get down on the floor and lay on my back Daddy can even feel his little girl kicking.
Week 22 and all is well.
Thanks e/o for your kind posts. All you ICLW posters, thanks for stopping by.
My other friends in the 2ww are in the blogosphere. Lorraine over at TheElderlyOvary transferred some beautiful blasts over the weekend and musicmakermomma is about halfway through her 2ww on a donor egg cycle. Visit them and wish them luck!
And here in my house everything is going along swimmingly. I feel my little girl squirming around every day. We're to the point that if I get down on the floor and lay on my back Daddy can even feel his little girl kicking.
Week 22 and all is well.
Thanks e/o for your kind posts. All you ICLW posters, thanks for stopping by.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Oh Happy Day!
Well, I had my anatomy scan with the peri yesterday. The baby looks great and it is definitely a girl. This time instead of saying "well, I don't see any boy parts" he was confidant enough to say "it's a girl!" I need to go back to the tech at my OB's office and tell her that she should just not say anything as early as 10 weeks no matter what she thinks. She says a lot of inappropriate things! I digress....
Everything looked wonderful. There were no markers for Downs. I don't know if I've mentioned here that we opted not to do any diagnostic testing so this is the only look we get at Downs markers. All measurements were perfect for a normal, healthy baby. My husband said that he felt a little bad at how relieved he was. We had committed to happily taking whatever baby God blessed us with. I suppose it's not bad to be relieved, though. We're just happy that God chose to give us a genetically normal baby. That's a really big deal for a couple of 43 yo's.
My peri also checked over my uterus and cervix again. I have a small uterus and a short cervix so there were initially concerns about being able to carry a baby to term without a cerclage and probably a buttload of bedrest. Amazingly, both the uterus and the cervix are of normal size/length now. It's true! They are made to change to accomodate a baby and that's exactly what my body has done. Take that RE's that made me worry more than I needed to!!!
And in a shocking turn of events; my peri released me. Yes, I have been released to the OB with no further visits of the kind necessary for a person of high risk unless something comes up in the future. That'll just about make a crazy girl swoon. "Don't go making me feel almost normal, Doctor!"
DH and I celebrated by going to my favorite little cafe (which happens to be right next to my peri's office) and getting two big, fat, made with white flour, bluberry muffins. Mmmmm, I miss white flour sometimes. However, within 45 minutes of eating it, my fingers blew up like sausages. Oh well, back to whole grain.
Speaking of food. I've been craving my mama's fried chicken lately. I haven't made it in probably about 20 years. Well, we've invited my FIL for supper and I'm going to make fried chicken, mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, and biscuits (yes, with white flour). Mmmm, just like Mama used to make (my parents don't eat like that anymore, either). Don't know why, but the comfort foods of old are really calling to me these days. I'll not deny myself altogether. Once in a while, you've just got to live a little!
Life is good....the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, my cats are huddled around me, my sweet husband is upstairs playing video games, and my precious baby is growing just as she should.
I think I'll go take a shower now so that I can go out and buy something PINK... :-) Time to start the name negotiation. Good times!
Everything looked wonderful. There were no markers for Downs. I don't know if I've mentioned here that we opted not to do any diagnostic testing so this is the only look we get at Downs markers. All measurements were perfect for a normal, healthy baby. My husband said that he felt a little bad at how relieved he was. We had committed to happily taking whatever baby God blessed us with. I suppose it's not bad to be relieved, though. We're just happy that God chose to give us a genetically normal baby. That's a really big deal for a couple of 43 yo's.
My peri also checked over my uterus and cervix again. I have a small uterus and a short cervix so there were initially concerns about being able to carry a baby to term without a cerclage and probably a buttload of bedrest. Amazingly, both the uterus and the cervix are of normal size/length now. It's true! They are made to change to accomodate a baby and that's exactly what my body has done. Take that RE's that made me worry more than I needed to!!!
And in a shocking turn of events; my peri released me. Yes, I have been released to the OB with no further visits of the kind necessary for a person of high risk unless something comes up in the future. That'll just about make a crazy girl swoon. "Don't go making me feel almost normal, Doctor!"
DH and I celebrated by going to my favorite little cafe (which happens to be right next to my peri's office) and getting two big, fat, made with white flour, bluberry muffins. Mmmmm, I miss white flour sometimes. However, within 45 minutes of eating it, my fingers blew up like sausages. Oh well, back to whole grain.
Speaking of food. I've been craving my mama's fried chicken lately. I haven't made it in probably about 20 years. Well, we've invited my FIL for supper and I'm going to make fried chicken, mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, and biscuits (yes, with white flour). Mmmm, just like Mama used to make (my parents don't eat like that anymore, either). Don't know why, but the comfort foods of old are really calling to me these days. I'll not deny myself altogether. Once in a while, you've just got to live a little!
Life is good....the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, my cats are huddled around me, my sweet husband is upstairs playing video games, and my precious baby is growing just as she should.
I think I'll go take a shower now so that I can go out and buy something PINK... :-) Time to start the name negotiation. Good times!
Monday, June 15, 2009
New Kitty
Welcome Little Girl! We have a new addition to our home. After the loss of my Sunshine, my little 6 yo kitty started getting depressed. So 2 weeks ago, I got a new little kitty. I won't post her name b/c it happens to be the same as the female character of an uber popular series of v*mpire books and I don't want every 'tween that searches it to find themselves here. I read the whole series, but it had absolutely nothing to do with naming my kitty that name. In fact, it didn't even occur to me until my BFF said something about it. After living with her for 4 days, it was just the only name that kept washing through my mind. If you're not familiar with the books, it's Italian for beauty.
New Kitty likes watching tv, taking long naps, and reading chick lit.
She also likes to chase the cursor on the computer screen, but I haven't been able to capture an image of that. :-)
New Kitty likes watching tv, taking long naps, and reading chick lit.
She also likes to chase the cursor on the computer screen, but I haven't been able to capture an image of that. :-)
"Hmm, I think the boyfriend did it."
"Don't scratch my tummy while I'm sleeping!"
"Thanks for making that run to the bookstore. I'm just about done with this one."
6 YO Kitty hasn't totally warmed up to her, but she has started playing with her a little bit in between the growling and hissing...and she's come out of hiding. She can even stand to sleep with me with New Kitty in the bed. New Kitty is super sweet and most importantly, she loves Daddy. A big goal for New Kitty was for her to not be afraid of Daddy as 6 YO Kitty is.
In pg news, I'm 19 wks today. I'm definitely feeling the baby move. So weird. Back to the peri on Friday. I had some cramping on Sat night that was a bit scary, but it didn't last long and hasn't come back. When do you know when you're supposed to worry? This is such a foreign land for me.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wasn't I supposed to relax now?
I told myself that once I got that 16 wk u/s behind me that I would relax. Sadly, it's just not that easy. I have had some relief, but it's not like I can just let go and wait to get to 40 wks. The thing that I can't get out of my head is my local RE saying to me last year, "that uterus is never going to support a pregnancy!" It haunts me. I'm so afraid that she may be right. Every day of this pregnancy I have been amazed that nothing has gone wrong. I hate that I feel like I'm spending the pregnancy waiting for something bad to happen. I'm trying so hard to enjoy it. What's a girl to do?
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