Catching up

I never told my birth story....or a million other stories since. Here we go.

I went back and read my pre-birth posts. You may want to read my October posts to refresh, as well.

We made plans to induce on Thurs Oct 22. I had been having contractions since Sat. On Wed, they were serious. I ran all over town running errands with a stop watch on my arm. The contractions were never more than 13 min apart and were usually 8 min apart. At one point I was in the grocery store hanging onto the meat counter while breathing through a contraction. My nephew was with me and he was afraid they were going to ask us to leave the store! The contractions subsided as night fell. I could have slept if I hadn't been so excited. This was bigger than Christmas and a trip to Disney all in one!

As I'd hoped, when we got to the hospital on Thurs am, I was 5 cm dilated. My nurse, who I love, started me at only 2 mls per hour of pitocin. That is the minimum dosage. The maximum dosage is 20 mls per hour. I got myself all set up with my music playlist going on my computer. My DH and my doula were on their respective computers. I warned them both ahead of time that I would probably go to a place inside myself. I did. I didn't need them for quite some time. They were able to just hang out and do whatever. My dr (the one in my group that I'd hoped to have at my delivery) came in to talk. She mentioned breaking my water, but asked if I wanted an epidural. When I told her that I'd really like to get through without one, she said that she would wait to see if my water would break on its own. In hindsight, I LOVE her for that. Her not pushing me to have my water broken probably made it possible for me to have a drug-free birth.

At some point, my nurse increased the pitocin to 6 mls per hour. I don't have a very good idea of time, but the whole process went very quickly. She started the drip at 7:30 and the baby came at 1:04 pm. I lay on my side breathing and focusing on my music. At some point I opened my eyes and looke at DH and doula. She said that hte contractions were 3 min apart. I was really shocked. I was thinking much more than that. I'm so glad that I didn't focus on the clock. In fact, one reason I kept my eyes closed all day is that I didn't want to know what time it ws and there was a clock in front of me. I also didn't let them give me any updates on my cervix. I was afraid if I knew the progress or time that I may get discouraged. It was such hard work. I had to focus solely on the work at hand and not how long it was taking.

Probably around 10 to 10:30 am the contractions got serious enough that I asked my doula to do some visualization/imagery with me. I think around 11:00 my water broke. That was the most amazing experience I've ever had. I'm so very glad that I was able to experience it. It was like there was a rubber band in my belly and it snapped. I don't know if the baby gave a big kick at the same moment, but it felt as if she did. You should have seen the look on my face. My eyes were huge and a look of wonderment must have come over me. I looked at my doula. I think I said something about fluid and she just smiled and said my water just broke. Almost immediately, I started having the urge to have a bowel movement. My doula didn't believe it. She thought the urge was just the baby pushing down and that I was misinterpreting it. I hate to sound petty, but I was very satisfied when I actually pooped! I showed her that I know my body!!! While I was on the toilet, the contractions became so intense. I began having to grunt my way through each one and continued to have to do that until the baby came. My husband says that the sound was like that of a bench presser. I was very comfortable on the toilet and not very well able to do everything that I needed to do. TMI alert! That means cleaning myself. I also found some relief in that position and didn't want to go back to the bed. I hung on to the grab bar and sat with my legs spread out. Eventually, I was able to go back to the bed. I wanted to lean over a birthing ball, but the hospital didn't have them. Instead, I rolled up my pillow and my body pillow and leaned over them at the foot of the bed. Later when they told me I had to turn around I had a bit of trouble finding a comfortable position, but finally settled in in a squatting position.

BBL for more...stay tuned.

Moving and moving on

Our little Peanut is getting around. She started rolling over, back to front, last week and mastered it within an hour. She spent an hour going back to front/front to back. Now she can move herself over relatively large distances. She's still giggling and squealing. They are still the loveliest sounds that I have ever heard.

I had my annual ob visit last week. My ob/gyn asks me every time she sees me when we're going to use our 6 remaining embryos. I think one reason she's excited about them is that they are with younger eggs. Our cryopreserved babies were created with 41 yo eggs. The Peanut was created with 43 yo eggs. Medically speaking, I think she's anxious to see how things go with the younger eggs.

There was a time when I thought I would want to pursue this 6 mos after Peanut's birth. That's so laughable to me now!!!

Here's the deal. I am 44! I am now 18 lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy (which was already heavier than I wanted to be). I am especially upset about that little tidbit b/c by 2 wks postpartum I was down to only 8 lbs over pp weight. Unfortunately, my metabolism slowed down, but my food intake didn't. I packed on 10 lbs in the blink of an eye. My ob is adamant that I not try to diet until I stop BF. I am trying to be more careful with sugar and carbs though.

The plan, nurse until the baby wants to stop, lose 20 lbs and then we will do an FET. I love how supportive my ob is. The one I stopped seeing (moved to partner who delivered b/c she is so awesome) was supportive, but didn't get as excited over the prospect of someone my age giving birth. When I discussed with her (new doc) the dilemma of timing, she laughed at me for thinking it would be better to give birth at 45 than at 46. She, who happens to be 46, assures me that there will be no significant difference. She just delivered a DE baby of a 47 yo mom.

I am amazed by us. We 40 something women having babies. How brave are we?

Big Girl and Sweet Kitty

First, Peanut is great. She's growing, healthy, and happy. She's just shy of 12 lbs. She can sit up unassisted for a few seconds. She lets out the most beautiful giggles and squeals that melt my heart. I'm having a wonderful time with her even though I'm still quite tired. I'm getting more sleep than most mothers of 4 month olds, but doing it at 44 has its own energy challenges.

From Sun evening to Thurs night, I'm in single mom mode. We were so lucky that my DH wasn't on a project for the last few weeks of the pregnancy up to just before Peanut turned 4 mos. He's now back on the road and is only home Fri, Sat, and 1/2 of Sun. I'm really peeved with him right now b/c during our limited time together he generally falls asleep on the couch at 7pm. It really hurts my feelings that he can't keep it together to stay awake to spend time with me.

I'll leave you with an image of what I just found when I went up to check the baby. Before you chastise me for having her under a blanket; I only let her sleep that way when I'm awake and checking her frequently. She's still swaddled at night.



Our cat LOVES her! Sally watches over the baby and really wants to snuggle with her. We all look forward to the day when Peanut is big enough to defend herself and we can allow Sally to snuggle away!

How about that bald spot?

Letting go

Okay, I've been completely obsessing for the last two months about breastfeeding, but it's time to relax. It just hasn't been going well and I've only made it worse with my self-inflicted stress. The same part of me that was like a dog with a bone about getting pg moved on to lactating as a new thing to chew on. If I'd only known then, what I know now. I made so many mistakes at the beginning. Easy to do with a baby that has to be supplemented from the beginning.

Anyhoo, Peanut is doing great. After a couple of times losing weight, we've got her on a steady upward climb now. She's only about 2 ounces from doubling her birth weight. She'll be three months on Thurs.

I'll keep going with the BF as long as there's milk there. She absolutely loves to nurse so I'm not about to take that away from her. However, as of this moment, I am officially giving myself a break and letting go.

I'd have more to blog about, but I've seriously thought about nothing but laundry and lactating for 2 months. Hey, that would make a great name for a book....Laundry and Lactating!

Worry, worry, worry, worry = Mother

Oh, why can't she just steadily gain weight. Peanut gained the minimum amount required last week, but over the last 6 days she only gained 1.4 oz. I think the minimum for a 6 day period would be 3 oz. I'm not sure b/c I haven't been able to talk to the dr about it.

My milk supply is definitely down. I think it's a combination of stretching out feedings, pumping less, and she is just not big enough to suck vigorously to stimulate the breast enough. It doesn't help that I am in a constant state of stress over whether or not she will get enough from my breast. I had a breast reduction 10 years ago. We've been amazed at how good my production has been, but that was with 3 hour feedings and pumping after nearly every feeding. I don't know what the dr is going to say, but my plan is to go back to 3 hour feedings around the clock and to pump more times per day. I won't say how many pumpings...let's just say as many as I can stand.

Growing...

Hallelujah! Yesterday at her doctor's appointment her weight was up to 5 lbs 3.5 oz. What a good big girl! The pediatrician took us off of the hellish NICU feeding schedule (hear me screaming for joy). We now breast feed on demand with one formula supplement feeding in the evening. I will pump for only that feeding. Our only limitation is not to let her go more than 4 hours without eating. Last night she went 2 four hour stretches so I was able to get some really good sleep. It was bliss

Baby Girl is here!

Born October 22, 2009 at 1:04 pm. 4 lbs 8 oz 18 1/2 inches long
She was not able to maintain her temperature because she was so small and had no fat to keep her warm. She spent 7 days in the NICU, but we brought her home on Thursday afternoon. She was up to 4 lbs 15 oz just before we brought her home.

We're exhausted. She's on a strict 3 hour feeding schedule which includes breastfeeding and then adding a formula supplement. I also pump at almost every feeding.

We go to the pediatrician on Tuesday. Can't wait to see how much weight she's put on.